SNOW WHITE: THE STAR THAT SPARKLES BEYOND THE GRAVE

ImageCan it be true? Could the hand of providence have brought such an abrupt end to the life of Princess Snow White? One can only speculate about the murderous events that took place in the early hours of the afternoon. The Queen, meanwhile, remains at large with the soldiers in hot pursuit having been accused of disguising herself as an old crone and poisoning Snow. Loved and admired by all, Snow, in departing from this world, symbolizes the seeping away of all joy. She may no longer be among those who have grown to love her but her eternal flame continues to remain en-kindled in their hearts. There she lies under the bough of an ancient gnarled tree, pale as the very snow that surrounds her. An unfinished apple lies on the ground besides her. The very tree seems to have turned a wicked eye on her, seeking to envelop her at the earliest opportunity. Her eyes are partly open, gazing lifelessly into the auburn sky above. Her parted lips seem to be uttering the words, “Rescue me from this prison. I desire to dazzle the world with my brilliant whiteness, once more.”Image

A young man kneels beside her, holding her hands in his, “O Snow, we had vowed to do something special together”. At a short distance away, seven men are to be seen. Well, perhaps, it would be wrong to call them men. They are barely FOUR feet tall!! “Lo and behold, they seem to be the legendary dwarves themselves.” Talk about characters right out of a fairy tale! Meet the seven dwarfs, Doc, Dopey, Bashful, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy and Happy.

They seem to be whispering among themselves and if one were to venture closer, one could catch Grumpy’s words, “Snowfall, snowfall everywhere! And oh, what a great, yet terrible fall it has been….”

Reported By: Faayez Rizwan

Princess (s)now more!!!

Far Far Away is atwitter! The fairest in all the land is now the rarest in the land. The ditzy damsel, known to party wildly in the forests of Far Far away with “talking animals” and dwarves has keeled over and died. Her body has been enshrined by the dwarves in a solid glass casket, showy much!

Snow, the stepdaughter of the Evil Queen, had recently made waves when she had been arrested with the dwarves for attending that rave party. Ebuzz reported that she
threatened the police when they tried to take her into custody.

“What the ….? Do you know who I …… am? My father shall see to this you …. apes. So what if he’s dead. He’ll have your jobs. My animal friends will come and bail me out just … see.”

Glitz America reported that the relations between Evil and Snow, strained after Snow’s recent media exploits, hit a low after the rave party.

“She threw apples at me. Me, I’m the FAIREST OK. She took my stockings and handed them to her dwarves saying ‘Dobby you’re free’, she’s … mad OK.”

Police have blamed her death on her LONG HISTORY with drugs, though Stumpy the tatted dwarf said it was a poison apple administered by Evil, like sure midget. The huntsman and Prince are like sobbing over the loss of their girl.

Reported by: Saamil Sheikh

DEATH BY HATE!

Snow White the intensely beautiful and famous celebrity has recently taken a break from acting. Oh no, not by having a vacation at Hawaii as is her custom but by going to sleep! Not literal sleep! According to Snow’s physician this sleep has been introduced by the poison found in the bright red apple(a combination of Snow’s favourite colour and fruit!) found near her body.

Now who would want to potentially murder such a delicate, innocent little star. Well, we have the answer to that! According to e!news Snow White and her equally famous step mom Zarah White had an extremely heated argument the other day. It is reported that Zarah stormed out of the studio screaming,”We are done,Snow! Done! You may think that you are on top of everything and the entire world is under your charm, but you are wrong! You may think that you are two three steps ahead of the person who made you but you are so hopelessly wrong! It won’t take much for me to ruin you and your future to smithereens!”

Well is that not fiery and highly suspicious! It is fairly well known that the two had never been close. So is it possible that the extremely jealous step mom slipped a poisoned apple to her daughter? Highly!

And so Snow lies, enclosed in a glass coffin, with her avid fans weeping their hearts out. Will Snow ever regain consciousness or will the wicked spell cast on her continue forever? Only time will tell.

Reported by: Wajiha Mukhtar

SLEEPING BEAUTY FORGETS TO SET THE ALARM

It seems our very own “Snowy” White has finally found her way. The famous actress, known for “The Sleeping Beauty” was recently involved in a quarrel with her director. E-News reported her to have said that “these people don’t want me to rest. They think I’m a machine. For God’s sake let me have a break!” Apparently, she was sick and tired of the tough schedule her boss was putting her through, and so she thought she might as well have a little break.

Her solution? Well you can still see her sleeping in that custom-made glass coffin of hers, that she had decided to locate in the middle of the Amazon forest.

“This is the height of stubbornness. Why the … did she become an actress if she didn’t want to work hard? That’s it, i’m dropping her from the role of my next film,” Snowy’s director, Mark Jay was reported to have said by the Gossip America.

It seemed she would wake up after a day or two, but well, she forgot to set the alarm, and so her slumber still carries on. Sweet dreams, Snowy!

Reported by: Ishaq Ibrahim